Fashion-challenged

I never thought I'd hear myself say the words, "I wish I were a man." But last night, while packing for this upcoming trip, I did.

No, I don't have any deep-seated gender issues. I'm perfectly and thoroughly happy being a woman--except for one thing: fashion.

I never know what to wear. I feel as though I have some sort of learning disability when it comes to clothing--a sort of fashion autism. I just don't notice what other people are wearing, the way autistic people don't notice other people's facial expressions. Of course if someone showed up at the office wearing a bathing suit, for example, or dressed as a clown, I'd notice. But the more subtle things--skirts vs. dresses, layers, and the dreaded "accessories"--about these I am completely clueless.

Nevertheless, I somehow managed to produce two daughters who are extremely knowledgeable about what looks good, what is stylish and what isn't, and what I shouldn't wear because it makes me look like an old lady (I admit, I do have some clothes that are at least 20 years old, not only because I haven't noticed when they've gone out of style, but also because I hate shopping.) When my youngest was in high school, she used to look me up and down as I emerged from the bedroom each morning. On the days when she said, carefully, " Is that what you're wearing to work?" I'd say,"Well, I guess not!" and go back into the bedroom , followed by said daughter, who would kindly and patiently re-dress me, so that I would be sufficiently presentable for the outside world (and not look like an old lady.)

My son, on the other hand--he's a guy. No further explanation needed.

At no time does this handicap become more of an issue than when I am packing, especially to go someplace where the climate and/or the culture is different. On this trip, we'll be in Jerusalem for a week, and then stopping off in Amsterdam for 4 days before coming home. By checking weather.com, I already know that the temperature is supposed to be in the 60's in Jerusalem all week, but when we get to Amsterdam it will be in the 40's and probably raining. Therefore I need to take both summer ( or spring) and winter clothes--basically, all the clothing I own. A heavy coat and a light coat. An umbrella and sunglasses. My fleece lined Crocs and my regular ones. And so on.

Then I looked at what my husband was packing: besides the pair of pants he'll wear on the plane, he's taking two pairs of pants (one for Shabbos); 12 T-shirts; a couple of flannel shirts; a pair of shoes; and a dress shirt for Shabbos. Some underwear and a pair of pajama pants.

That's it.

Being a man is SO much easier--a pair of pants and a shirt EVERY DAY! No earrings, necklaces, scarves, tights, hoodies, or footwear options; the only two categories are "Shabbos" and "not Shabbos."

See what I mean? It's so easy for him, but I have to consider what shirts go with which tops; whether I'll need to layer, depending on the weather; whether a particular outfit is too fancy or too causal (and don't even get me started on the exact definitions of those terms); and so on.

And, as I explained above, I am not at all good at this.

As he watched me put yet more things into the suitcase, he asked me, "Why are you taking so much stuff? Not counting the time we'll be on the plane, we're only going for 12 days."

I didn't even try to explain. He's a guy--he just wouldn't understand.